The Wise Monkey

2009, August

Notes:

Attack of the Monkey

Montoya was attacked by a monkey on his way to Kindergarten.

Gear

jazz bass

e-prom

space echo

pro-1

envelope filter that never needed batteries

stretch dx

Selmer sax

Fender

gretch

PRO ONE

FARFISA 

DX DRUMM MACHINE 

SEQUENCIAL

SIX TRACK

MXR ENVELOPE 

EFFECTRON JR 

Fender Bullet

Tempe early years

Playing in front of the Leather Cafe. Closing off Mill Avenue. Valley Art Theater. Practicing in the shed. Queen Bee, Learning to play the guitar on Acid, all night acid freak fest where the instruments started playing themselves, Mary McCann driving by to go to her AM radio show and Sean and Montoya hanging out in the recently converted to convertible Cadillac. 

The Midnight Funk Association Call To Order:. 

“Will the members of the Midnight Funk Association please rise.  Please go to your porch light and turn it on for the next hour to show us your solidarity. If you’re in your car please honk your horn and flash your lights, wherever you are. If you’re in bed, get ready to dance on your back, in Technicolor. And get ready for the MFA. The word is… Don’t say no, say triple-whammy-whoa. Hold on tight, don’t let go. Whenever you feel like you’re nearing the end of your rope, don’t slide off. Tie a knot. Keep hanging, keep remembering, that it ain’t nobody bad like you. This session of the International Midnight Funk Association is being called to order. Electrifying Mojo presiding. May the Funk be with you. Always…”  Playing in Las Vegas with Jimmy Jackpot and the Hot Slots. Nipple ring guy, bus ride there and back.

Pink poke a dot fuzzy fabric
Montoya got yard of Pink Fuzzy fabric and made a bedspread, chair and pillows from it.  Because it was fuzzy Montoya thought it would keep him warm, on the bus, on the long trip through Colorado. Woke up in the middle of the night somewhere between shows freezing.

Chuck Hadd
South Ash Press

    Finger Puppets

they were bananas.  This is when we went over to Chuck Hadds house and he put on a play using only bananas.  This is the day we realized that Chuck was truly crazy.  We would buy coke from him and he would demand we would do a line with him from the junk we just bought. 

FOOD STAMP 40 OZ

We would go to the local Arab market with our food stamp money and buy a pack of Chiclets for 2 cents about 4 times in a row, collect the change and buy a few Ol' E 40 ouncers.

SUE SQUID

LITTLE STEVIE  PATTIE

played bongos and had a funny hand

PCP  

accidental smoking of a PCP laced joint at band practice and played the same 8 cords for hours, floated home afterward.

poisoning of the Dog

Their was a little yappy dog that lived in the house behind us, we took a sealed in plastic German sausage let it get ripe for about a month in the back yard and then fed it to the dog.  never heard the dog again. 


Edcils Attic
Edcils was always very hot and sweaty.  We played there every Tuesday night  and some weekends.   We got the Tuesday night gig when the new young owners came on the scene. They didn't know who we were and didn't want to pay us to play at their club on the weekends.  Montoya asked them what there slowest night was.  They said Tuesday. we told them we would take that night.  told them we would work for the whole door, half the bar and pay for our own sound engineer.  They agreed, thinking they wouldn't have to pay anything. We had the biggest night at Edcils ever that night.  There was a line from the door to down the stairs, to around the corner.  Montoya took acid that night and got a Mohawk at the hair salon with the people in the line watched.  

Las Vegas
Sean and Montoya riding around the parking lot of Circus Circus; Sean in the back of the van pale white while Montoya drives around looking for old men tourists to solicit them for sex. Actually pulling up stopping and sliding the side sliding door, five bucks.

Playing at the  Freemount Street club and smoking way to much Keefe with the Manager AJ in the back stair well. We ended up sitting back there for hours. Finally some waitress found us. 3 hours late to play. Worst show ever.

Playing at the Rio on the Rio beach the next day.

Balboa's
Faken Bacon Jamaican
Sun Club

Long Wong's
Tucson, AZ

Alley
After Lora Lee left the band we did auditions for a new singer.  Many hours of bad non dynamic people rolled through the door.  Alley came with a mini pistol wearing pink, ruffled hot pants and pig tails.  after her audition she shot off the gun on the street in front of the house.  Of course we chose her.  Kayvon and then Chad dated Chad ended up marring her and having a few kids.  

Chad
Kayvon left the band, we needed a new bass player and Chad was available with a bus and gear. 

Mazatlan Mexico

riding the tour bus 24 hours to Mazatlan, trying to sleep, riding the bus back full on loud. trading cloths with girls, being picked up on by meat heads, getting bacon wrapped hot dogs, stealing booze from all the hotel rooms being paid 4 million pesos in a suit case.

Telluride

booking the first show sweating in a pair of shorts sitting against a palm tree at the Jen Tilly Tempe house. There was a trampoline in between the 2 houses. Rented a motor home and set off for the Arizona days. Almost fell off Pikes peak when Kayvon fell asleep as the navigator. Doing a 360 waking everyone up and saying we are almost there. Leaving the motor home for the condo and everything freezing. Looking for cloths at the free store.

Drinking all day, at the club, because we needed to practice before our show. Come to the condo finding Burt cooking sausage and ground beef smoking menthol cigarettes then passing out. 2 hours late to the show.

Leaving guitar in a snow bank as we packed our gear. Showing up to Flagstaff less one guitar. 

Bus dieing cylinder shooting through the bus; tow truck dieing, second tow truck.

Montoya and Schroeder DP-ing that Amelia Erhart chick in Telluride whilst Ronnie Mo tries to sleep in his cot.  She ended up dieing later that year.

666

I'm the biggest devil

 Schroeder and Montoya got very drunk after one of the shows in Telluride.  Ended up at one of the dirt floor houses.  Had a legitimate argument of who was the biggest Devil.  needless to say no one won.  We ended up walking back to the condo with our pants own around our ankles singing very loud.  The sheriff (girl) pulled up and told us to go home.  She ended up smoking pot with the band snowboarding the next day.

one wheeling

the concept of riding on a unicycle everywhere

Skip Lector

Little red riding hips

Law Suit

Being mentioned, as the Wild Monkey Orchestra, in a law suit with Jefferson Star-ship and the Turtles.  Of course we blew it off, after consulting with our lawyer.

Mexico Rocky point

Acid Man. Pistol whipped, sax flying across the dance floor. 230 cases of beer. Video in the back ground. Sean and Schroeder drinking a fifth of rum. Schroeder being arrested by the Federallies. Losing Sean and him coming back as the kid from the movie mask. Then him wandering off into the ocean because he thought there were Aliens calling him home. To this day we do not know what happened to Sean but whatever it was it must have been bad. Some theories are, he wandered into a camp with very hostile aggressive young college kids and got beat-up; got hit by a truck,atv or car; abducted by aliens; self mutilation.

Our contract included cash, meals, 2 condos and beer (as much beer as we wanted) Danny Brown the club owner under estimated or glutinous veracity to drink and ended up going through 230 cases of beer in one night. We had so much beer I poured in on top of my head to cool off and ended up standing in a puddle of beer for most of the night, being electro-shocked by the federallies and standing in the wires.

4 corners

Shooting guns to see 'monument valley' at night

we pulled the vans over one night to take a leak.  Robbie helms had a gun that he promptly took the opportunity to fire.  as he did we realized where we were.  In the middle of Monument Valley.  It was pitch black and every time he shot the gun it would light up the monuments.  Needless to say this further freaked out Molino after a long on the road trip of camping and party on the double rainbow.

peeing on 4 states at once

Double rainbow

On a tour where we camped for half the time, we ended up camping at a lake.  The kind of lake where no vegetation and looked as if it should have been on Venus.  We set up a few tents and dropped acid. about 20 miles from us there was a a perfect double rainbow. The wind picked up and we all got in the tents.  The wind blew about 50-60 miles and hour. the tents disintegrated around us.  The tent became known as the freak tent.

Flagstaff

Purple poke a dotted purple people eaters, sleeping behind the stage, falling into the audience because of being drunk, wearing costumes,

Tucson

MARCHING BAND SHIT 

On the way home from a show in Tucson we stopped to take a leak on the side of the road.  Randomly we stopped near the Marana high School football field.  They had stacked all there band gears and band uniforms near the fence.  We took enough uniforms for us and base drums, trombones and xylophones.  One Saturday night we took acid and marched down to mill ave.  Walked right into the clubs where we disrupted the bands playing. That same night Hart did a high jump over some bushes, he was successful to get over the bush but landed flat on his back, on the sidewalk. 

Schroeder wedding

Elvis the cat

ran over by train, made great posters. Lies Malket Orchet

ZUBA Band

THE GAP BETWEEN LIZA'S TEETH

http://lizarocks.com/indexFLASH.html

Burt

queen Burt, firing Burt at the show for turning off the sound. Burt losing his tooth at the gas station; buying super glue to stick it back in. Burt passed out, pissed himself in the car and dragging him on to his lawn and leaving him there. Burt being pistol whipped.

Burt dealing with massive volts of electricity.

One time in Aspen we needed more power to the stage. So burt got out our portable breaker extender. This was just simply a very heavy-duty cord and and breaker box at one end.  He popped open the house breaker box found where to attach our cord, it wouldn't fit.  so he stuck the cord in his mouth, like you would a thread, when you are trying to stick it in a needle.   He jammed it in the box and with a big spark we had more power. 

glued in teeth; on the road traveling through New Mexico we stopped at a travel center.  1 hour later after everyone got their snacks and pissed, 'piss now or for ever hold your piss' we were missing one person, Burt.  Montoya laid on the horn, here comes Burt with an ice cream in one hand.  Montoya gave Burt the shoulder shrug saying what the fuck, let's go! Burt gave him a smile back less one tooth.  the tooth was stuck in the ice cream.  Burt went back in the store and got some super glue and glued his tooth back into his head.  back on the road. 

Jason the manager

He stole the most money from us only rivaled by chuck hall the booky for Chuie's

Air Trumpet and while talking to girls taking credit for playing actual trumpet for that TV show. stole the Moped

the rock the night without lora

cops on horse back

brb

3 bean salad

all the things we ever had plus other peoples things too

squid

Charlie and chocolate

We had Charlie and the chocolate on a constant loop on the porch at the trailer house behind the main house.

Kayvon

Fell asleep once on a long drive up from Tucson late night.  Schroeder and him were in his white Toyota pickup truck.  He was ahead of the other vehicle.  

Montoya

Schroeder

Lora Lee

Phil Juarez

smoking toad

15 minutes of naked freaking

LSD 

smoking toad

Wah wah pedal

Running a wah wah through the whole mix

Randy Rouche

Molino

Ray Anthony

Tempe

Squid

Albuquerque

long wongs

Randy

Omar

money in a rusty paint can

Merica

Trish

Electric Pickle

Head Quarters Ted-quarters

Echo

Kraftwerk

Roxi

Managers

Aaron

San Diego

moving to San Diego

I took only a bag of cloths and a basketball. Lived with Andy, fist day Andy took a shit and broke the toilet seat cost $5.  Going to the Arab market packages of dollar cookies,

taking a placenta and wrapping it in a diaper putting it on the back of the U-haul bumper to fall off randomly for someone to find.

Ocean beach

Winston's, shorts and sweaters, house that sloped, Sean shitting on a cop car,

Dog Beach

Chad's dog peeing on a baby while we surfed.

Eggies

we played a show at a small club on the main street in the heart of Boulder next to the big club (Fox).  Nobody was there except the staff and manager.  After the show  we where invited to the managers apartment.  He asked if we where hungry of course we were, the manager pulled out a hefty bag full of mushrooms and said dig in. Montoya ate a stomach full walked to the 7-11; which he thought was attached to the apartment, and couldn't go in because the lights were to bright, and because he was to high. Was pulled back to the apartment to find a party of people.  Go t in a mini van (spaceship) and went to the top of the mountain in Boulder.  (only seeing the road under the light of the head lights.) At the top we got out and hit golf balls into the city below.  got in the van and followed a skateboarder down the mountain at 35 miles an hour.  Went back up to collect the eggs on the mountain.  Little Stevie freaked out and thought we were killing the mountain.  Montoya freaked on him by pulling out the plants and proclaimed to the world ' can you hear the mountain crying?' and chased little Stevie down the hill pulling plants out and throwing them at him until he ran into the van.  

Ran back up the mountain and realized the mountain was covered with eggies. we collect the light bulbs in our shirts, like you would collect blueberries in the summer time.  What we didn't realize until after the fact,; the light bulbs where Christmas shapes that the whole city would see.  

As Montoya was collecting, he hears a yelling.  'What the fuck are you doing?' It was a sheriff dressed in a sheriff shirt and pajama bottoms.  at this moment Montoya was about 50 yards above him at a 50 degree slope.  If the cop decided to go up, it would take him 20 minutes at a full clip to reach Montoya. at this very moment Hart, Schroeder and the rest were making their way off the mountain and hiding out in the vans pretending they were sleeping.  After many questions to the cop to self assure himself he wouldn't be arrested, he reluctantly agreed to come down off the hill and get out of there.  Getting to the band vans, we woke up the crew and left the mountain to the next gig.    

Andy McButter

'Sleep with the dog wake up with Flees' from Sue VanWee

first day in San Diego Montoya leaves to the store to get food, Andy takes that opportunity to unleash in the bathroom, being 400 pounds he breaks the toilet.

Andy gets his moment to shine on a long trip and actually drive the band van. Drove for 5 or 6 hours eating chips and beef jerky actually filled the front seat with 2 pounds of methane gas that was released the very moment when Schroeder took over the driving shift, filling the entire vehicle waking everyone up from their drunken slumber.

weird hands from Thalidomide

record label scouts

Ted Nugget

Montoya being so high on acid playing at Winston's thinking he was Ted Nugent.

Captain Red balls

Sean always had the Reddest balls. Always with a pair of crotchless pants. At a frat party Sean, playing drums was wearing a pair of pants without a ass and flashed the audience after they insisted on us playing, the Stephen Wolf's classic Magic carpet Ride. Santa Barbara, CA. Going to the club and playing 2 sets with the ASSLESS pants.

coughing blood

Girls

Boulder Colorado

Fox Theater

Mushrooms

Green party rallies

Santa Barbra

Plate head.

Winston's

Theda delta Ki

school tour bus

THE MYSTRY EXOTIC MEAT TRAY

Bald Wig Cottage Cheese

We put a air-up ring and clown make-up on Andy, the ring would only fit around his neck, put cottage cheese and cherry tomatoes around it for a photo shoot.  We chose cottage cheese because out of all the foods in the world this was the only one that Andy didn't like. 

Squid sues the Wise Monkeys

SPICY PORK RINDS

ROBO  

CHINESE 

Fart exhaust fan for Aaron's sleeping bag

frozen piss on bottom step of school bus

FREAK WITH ME LAURA

MINGIONGE

tearing urinal off the wall in Albuquerque

KEYVON WANTS KICK SEAN ASS OVER MEXICO SHOWS

CATTLE PROD MEXICO  PADDIE WAGON

CORNISH GAME COCKS

THREE WISE MEN  

CHINA CLUB 

TELEMARKETING AT KEYVON'S MOM'S 

ABLETON

SCHROED

2424 MIRA VISTA DRIVE

EL CERRITO CA 94530

TWISTED FISTER

GONE FISTING

add butt to any football team

GAPES OF WRATH

JAGER ANDY KICKS OVER THE HARLEY

SEE YA

midget girl kiss:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJqU7sUpfDU   (wow, they really suck.  You friend is a freak of a different level to get it on with them.)

3 guys sitting at a cafe reminiscing about the old days. One will start the story and the other 2 will interject their truth. Cut to scene of the event

Van wreck:

Possible end to the story. All dead but Montoya.